


Silly Love Songs

by mentally_unstable_emoji



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: <--- that was an episode from glee, Almost like Dash and Lily, But Jared Kleinman is a Good Friend, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Has BPD, Connor Murphy has Bipolar Disorder, Deal With It, Episode: s02e12 Silly Love Songs, F/F, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Jared Kleinman is gæ, M/M, Melanie Martinez References, Multi, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), Song: If I Killed Someone For You (Alec Benjamin), Song: Karma (AJR), Song: Let Me Down Slowly (Alec Benjamin), Song: Line Without a Hook (Ricky Montgomery), Song: Lunchbox Friends (Melanie Martinez), Song: Ocean Eyes (Billie Eilish), Song: Play Date (Melanie Martinez), Song: Training Wheels (Melanie Martinez), Song: prom dress (mxmtoon), Song: wish you were gay (Billie Eilish), Twenty one pilots references, and they're not very silly, but not really, but they're in the story so, kinda slow burn, most of them aren't love songs, song: high school sweethearts (melanie martinez), that's a lot of songs, that's where i got the title, yes gleeks still exist in 2021
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-19 05:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29621214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mentally_unstable_emoji/pseuds/mentally_unstable_emoji
Summary: After the events of High School, a couple years later letters start appearing in Jared Kleinman and Connor Murphy's dorm room. Two letters, tied together with a simple ribbon, one for each of them. The sophomores put aside their differences and work together to figure out who wrote them. Working through feelings for a person they're not even sure they've met yet, as well as feelings for one another, Jared and Connor just want to figure out who wrote those Silly Love Songs.
Relationships: Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy
Comments: 21
Kudos: 7





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy!! Kudos and feedback are greatly appreciated!

"Kleinman!" Connor roared, throwing the door of the bathroom open so hard it dented the wall.

"Geez, can't a man get some privacy in here?" Jared rolled his eyes, spitting out his toothpaste. "What do you want?"

"Where. The fuck. Is my sketchbook?" Connor demanded in a low growl, a calm anger passing over his face. Jared straightened up, shivers crawling down his spine at the man's voice, which, definitely shouldn't have been so attractive to Jared since Connor was probably planning his murder at that very moment. Connor watched his dormmate's eyes widen in fear and glanced at himself in the mirror, almost immediately doubling back, his anger dissipating. 

"Sorry." Connor mumbled, rubbing at his eyes in frustration. At Jared, for (probably) stealing his shit (because Jared _has_ been doing that lately) and at himself, for allowing himself to look like that. He'd been working on his anger issues when he realized, the older he got, the more he looked like his dad. And when Larry Murphy was mad, it was no pretty sight. They were practically identical by now, minus the few parts of Connor he kept so that his entire aura just screamed 'raging gay burnout'. "I've got class in 20 minutes and I still need to grab some coffee, I just want to know where my shit is."

"Um... it's okay." Jared replied hesitantly, still not used to Connor being so composed even though they've been living together for a year now. He almost felt bad for him. Connor had been trying so hard and Jared had... well, he hadn't been helping much unless you call stealing his markers and hoodies because of his own lack of those things helping. "I don't know where your sketchbook is but if you want you can borrow one of my spares. It's in the second drawer of my nightstand."

"Fuck, thanks." Connor said quickly, darting out of the bathroom. Jared heard a drawer opening and then Connor grabbed his jacket and messenger bag and sped out of the room, holding up a blue book to show Jared which one he'd grabbed. The man deflated, hearing the door shut and bit his lip, looking around the room. He didn't have classes until noon and the person he usually would've hung out with...

"One more thing!" Connor's head popped into the room and Jared jumped, looking in his direction.

"Yeah?"

"Put my hoodies back in my closet before I decapitate you." Connor said in a cheery voice, waving with a small smirk and disappearing from the room again. Jared shook his head, grabbing his one-strap backpack he'd had for nearly forever, snatching his car keys and leaving the room, in favor of grabbing a coffee.

* * *

"Um, _hi._ " Connor frowned, putting emphasis on the 'hi'. Jared pushed himself off the wall with a snort.

"You should write a book - 'How to rudely ask 'what are you doing here?' in five words or less." He noted, making large gestures with his hands to exaggerate the title.

"Oh haha." Connor rolled his eyes. "Seriously, what are you doing here?"

"I left my dorm keys in the dorm, I-" Jared cut himself off, seeing a familiar face among the sea of students. He almost ran over to him had Connor not grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"What are you doing? Do you _want_ to get trampled on?" He frowned. When in high school, everyone typically avoided Jared because he was loud and rude. And an asshole. In college, he had been trying to stop being so loud and rude and asshole-ish so for now he was small and short and easy to miss.

"Nothing, I just thought I saw..." Jared trailed off before shaking his head. "Whatever. I need your key, what class do you have next I'll bring it right back."

"It's cool, I'll go with you. I have to grab something anyway." Connor shrugged, starting to walk in the direction of their dorm room.

Once they got there, Connor unlocked the door, Jared coming in behind him and grabbing his key off the shelf. The bespectacled man turned to leave the dorm again before Connor's hand slammed the door shut. Jared froze, feeling the warmth radiate from his friend's body.

"Alright, what's wrong?" Connor demanded, his breath tickling Jared's neck.

"Hm?" Jared hummed, attempting to sound nonchalant. Internally though, he was freaking out. His back was probably only an inch or two away from Connor's chest. "Nothing's wrong, I really just needed my key. So, bye-"

Connor's hand caught Jared's before he could open the door. "You nearly walked into oncoming traffic, Kleinman. I know you're not okay."

"Nothing's wrong, now let me go."

"You're lying." Connor stated simply. He gripped Jared's hand tighter, spinning him around so they were facing each other. The taller's eyes softened. "Look, I'm not very good at this but... if you wanna talk about it... I'm here, okay?"

Jared was shocked speechless. He didn't think he'd ever get used to Connor Murphy being nice to him. They had made an agreement when they found out they moved in: Don't bother me, I won't bother you. Somewhere along the line, it had morphed into the two of them being friends. Although, the only friends either of them had either unalived themselves or hated them by now so, naturally, it was still awkward.

Connor sighed when he received no response from his friend. "Alright. I'll back off." He moved his arm so Jared could move. Once the younger backed away, Connor moved to open the door.

"Wait!" Jared grabbed his wrist. "Wait. Um, sit down, will you?"

"Sure." Connor narrowed his eyes, sitting down in the desk chair. "Are you going to tell me why you suddenly wanted to be Mufasa in the hallway or...?"

"I will, I will, just give me a minute." Jared rubbed his eyes, sitting on the chair. "Okay, um... you remember when Miguel...?"

Connor's face darkened. " _Yeah,_ Jared, I think I'd remember when my only friend committed suicide."

Jared winced. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I just..." he sighed. "Ah, okay, so my friend, Evan Hansen-"

"The stuttering one with the cast?"

Jared suppressed a laugh. "Yeah, the stuttering one with the cast. So he and Miguel were..." Jared hesitated. "They were friends and after Miguel died Evan.. changed, a bit. He was snappish, a major asshole-"

"So basically another one of you?" Connor interrupted.

Jared huffed. "Yeah, sure, why not? I got mad and we got into this huge fight and he called me out saying that I didn't have any friends which is why I hung out with him - which, wasn't true, by the way. I just told him that because I was embarrassed and a terrible person, to be honest. Either way, I got pissed and we haven't talked in two years."

"Oh." Connor nodded sympathetically. "Well, I- what's that?"

"Huh?" Jared turned to follow Connor's line of vison, furrowing his eyebrows when he noticed something had been slid under the door. Two envelopes tied together with a blue ribbon. He got up, untying the ribbon and inspecting the items individually. "They're... letters. This one's for you."

Connor caught the letter being tossed at him with a frown, shoving it in his desk drawer. "Thanks... I'll open it later."

Jared nodded, walking over to his bed and pushing his letter under the mattress. "I should get to class."

"Okay." Connor nodded. "Bye."

"Bye."


	2. M1 & N19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Jared's first letters from the secret person

Jared sat on the bed, fiddling with the envelope in his hands. He had started to open it but once the back opened he quickly decided against it. Dropping it back on the bed, the man glared at the item as if he could make it do what he wanted just by staring. Jared sighed, accepting the fact that he wasn't Wanda Maximoff and would actually have to use his hands. One part of him was rolling it's eyes at him for being such a wuss. The other, much larger, part was so confused about what it was, why it was there, how it got there, who it was from, if it was a letter or money why didn't they just email him or venmo him? It was almost nerve wracking.

"Alright, Kleinman, it's not going to kill you." Jared mumbled to himself, reaching forward and taking a folded piece of paper out of the envelop. "Who the fuck even sends letters nowadays?" 

Opening it, Jared raised an eyebrow at the small, neat words. It seemed to be handwritten and nobody Jared knew even took the time to hand write their cards much less an entire letter. Suddenly intrigued, the man read the letter.

* * *

_Dear Jared Kleinman,_

_It's been a while. I doubt you'd remember me, you'd probably want to forget everyone from before college, wouldn't you? I do. That's probably why it's so frustrating there's two people I can't forget. Just so happens you're one of those people._

_Congratulations, I guess._

_I wonder how you're doing. I'd like to apologize in person but I doubt you'd want to see me if you knew who I was. In all honesty, I would probably make a mess of it anyway._

_If you can't already tell, I'm not very good with words. I put my feelings into other things. Like music. The second paper in there should be read after this. If you read this and decide you want me to stop contacting you, I will._

_Sincerely, me_

_P.S. Anyway you need to contact me, ask Ms. Flora Delmount at the office._

* * *

"No signature." Jared frowned, scanning the letter one more time to be sure there was nothing. He was right. There was nothing except a single 'M1' at the bottom. "Weird."

Jared figured he should probably go to the lady at the front office and tell this random person to stop writing him, but he was curious. Jared was sure Connor and him were the only people from his entire district who had gotten accepted to this school. Nobody else could afford it. What would this person need to apologize for? They thought of him? Had Jared even met them at the school or did they just see him in the halls? It was more likely of the first one, this person said they liked music - was that their major or was Jared overthinking this whole situation and it was just an old friend who wanted to reconnect? He snorted at the thought. How many _friends_ had he really ever had?

None. That's how many.

Well - there was Evan.

But Evan wouldn't want to contact him, not after what happened.

Or maybe... he would?

Jared felt a familiar feeling of hope rise in his stomach and his cheeks burned red as they always did at the thought of his friend. He had managed to stop himself from turning into a tomato when he thought of Evan sometimes but the majority of the time, it didn't work. At one point in Junior year Evan had even gotten so worried that Jared had a fever or something he'd made Jared stay home and they'd spent the day together. When he realized that wasn't the problem, though, he'd just narrowed it down to Jared had Rosacea. Jared didn't correct him.

Huffing frustratedly, Jared pushed those thoughts out of his head. It was pathetic how even after everything, after being apart for an entire year, Jared was still infatuated with his "friend". Just because of that, Jared convinced himself Evan wasn't the one who wrote the letter but also because Evan was straight.

Unfolding the second paper, Jared's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the sheets of music. He didn't know what he thought it would be but music was certainly not it. Though, the clue was kinda in the letter.

* * *

_**Line Without A Hook** _

_I never really gave a damn about the way you touched me_

_When we were alone_

_You could hold my hand_

_If no one's home_

_Do you like it when I'm away?_

_If I went and hurt my body, baby_

_Would you love me the same?_

_I can feel all my bones coming back_

_And I'm craving motion_

_Mama never really learned how to live by herself_

_It's a curse_

_And it's growing_

_You're a pond and I'm an ocean_

_Oh, all my emotions_

_Feel like explosions when you are around_

_I haven't found a way to kill the sound, oh_

_Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you_

_And you left all too soon_

_My heart shattered to chips that night I found you_

_Screaming at the moon_

_Was it something I said to make you feel unimportant?_

_Oh, and if I could take it all back_

_I swear that I would pull you from the tide_

_Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa I said no, I said no_

_Listen close, it's a no_

_T_ _he wind is a-pounding on my back_

_And I found hope in a heart attack_

_Oh at last, it is past_

_Now I've got it, and you can't have it_

_Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you_

_And you left all too soon_

_My heart shattered to chips that night I found you_

_Screaming at the moon_

_Was it something I said to make you feel unimportant?_

_Oh, and if I could take it all back I swear that I would pull you from the tide_

_Darling, when I'm fast asleep_

_I've seen this person watching me_

_Saying, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?"_

_Oh-oh_

_Because there is something, and there is nothing_

_There is nothing in between_

_And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer_

_Watching over me, he's singing "He is not a lady, but I am still a boy"_

_He's singing, "He is not a lady, and I am just a line without a (hook)"_

_Oh baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you_

_And you left all too soon_

_My heart shattered to chips that night I found you_

_Screaming at the moon_

_Oh, was it something I said to make you feel unimportant?_

_Oh, and if I could take it all back_

_I swear that I would pull you from the tide_

* * *

Jared read over the song so many times he lost count. His heart was beating so hard it felt like his ribcage was going to break but he didn't care. 

"Wow." He whispered to himself, that being the only sound filling the empty room. A wide smile slowly started to dawn on his face. "Wow."

~*~*~

Connor opened the door to his dorm, slamming the door shut. He nearly yelled his usual 'I'M BACK MOTHERFUCKER' before he saw Jared knocked out on his bed, his computer playing some Anime. Catching the door before it could close, Connor tiptoed over to his bed, pulling the envelope out of his drawer and walking over to his desk on the other side of the room. The Murphy brushed away the charcoal and oil pastel powdery-dust, turning on the lamp and studying the envelope with curiosity. Trying to quietly open it, he pulled out two sheets of paper. One was sheets of music with maybe two or three papers stapled together, the other was a handwritten letter.

Connor read the letter first.

* * *

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_How are you? We never talked much in school, you probably wouldn't remember me even if I told you who I was. I bet you don't even want to remember me. Personally, I wouldn't want to remember me either. I don't want to remember anyone, really. But somehow, two people stay on my mind effortlessly._

_And honestly, I don't find it fair you just live there rent free for doing absolutely nothing. You're just so... you._

_So wonderfully you._

_I wish I had the courage to just go right up to you and explain everything. But I don't. But paper, I can get my feelings out on paper. This letter should've been read before the music or chances are you're likely to get the wrong idea. If you want me to stop contacting you, I will._

_Sincerely, me_

_P.S. If you need to give me anything, just give it to Ms. Flora Delmount at the office._

_N16_

* * *

"N16?" Connor muttered as he busied himself flipping through the music. "What the hell does that mean?"

He paused, looking at the front of the booklet. More specifically the title in particular. Anger bubbled up inside of him before he could stop it. Was this some fucking joke?! He glared at the title, eyes traveling downwards to read the sheet.

* * *

**wish you were gay**

_"Baby, I don't feel okay"_

_Six words you've never heard me say_

_"I'll never let you go"_

_Five words I'd wish you would (Aww)_

_I laugh alone like nothing's wrong_

_Four days has never felt so long_

_If three's a crowd and two was us_

_One slipped away (Hahahahahahahaha)_

_I just wanna help you feel okay_

_But all you do is walk the other way_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

_Is there a reason you're so cold?_

_Pining for 12 months is getting old_

_We only talk in my head, 11 "heys" (Hey, hey, hey, hey)_

_Ten fingers tearing out my hair_

_Nine times I wish I'd made it there_

_I ate alone March 7th, you were six tables away (Yay)_

_How am I supposed to help you feel okay_

_When all you do is walk the other way?_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

_To spare my pride_

_When I spill my feelings at our confrontation_

_Don't say I'm not your type_

_Just say that I'm not your preferred sexual orientation_

_I'm so selfish_

_But you make me feel helpless, yeah_

_And I can't stand another day_

_Stand another day_

_I just wanna make you feel okay_

_But all you do is walk the other way_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

___I just kinda wish you were gay_ _ _

* * *

Connor's eyes widened and he felt a flush crawl up his cheeks. He didn't say a word as he put the items back in their envelope and stashed said envelope back in his drawer. Climbing into his bed, he lay on his back, staring up at the Glow In The Dark designs he had drawn up there last year, his thoughts racing.

As he drifted off, he ignored the small grin etched on his lips and the butterflies in his stomach.

* * *

* * *

**LINK TO THE FIRST SONG[HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfnAYipqj1k&list=RDCLAK5uy_kuEc3lB_I49bqnoy24kbjutvsiOi9ZQe0&index=3)**

**Song: Line Without A Hook by Ricky Montgomery**

**LINK TO THE SECOND SONG[HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaJx0Gj_LCY)**

**Song: wish you were gay by Billie Eilish**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!


End file.
